Royal Bastards by Andrew Shvarts

Royal Bastards

Being a bastard blows. Tilla would know. Her father, Lord Kent of the Western Province, loved her as a child, but cast her aside as soon as he had trueborn children.At sixteen, Tilla spends her days exploring long-forgotten tunnels beneath the castle with her stablehand half brother, Jax, and her nights drinking with the servants, passing out on Jax’s floor while her castl...

Title:Royal Bastards
Author:
Rating:
ISBN:1484767659
Edition Language:English
Number of Pages:352 pages

Royal Bastards Reviews

  • Cait (Paper Fury)

    It's sassy, bloody, and full of love/hate friendships which obviously instigate the bestest level of sass. I'm just really thoroughly entertained and impressed! And more than a little peeved that there seems to be no sequel? MORE PLS.

    You've basically snabbled my attention when you introduce me to two siblings sitting on a wall and making fun of nobility. And tha

    It's sassy, bloody, and full of love/hate friendships which obviously instigate the bestest level of sass. I'm just really thoroughly entertained and impressed! And more than a little peeved that there seems to be no sequel? MORE PLS.

    You've basically snabbled my attention when you introduce me to two siblings sitting on a wall and making fun of nobility. And that's just a prelude to how witty and engaging the dialogue and banter are. Look, I live for bantery books. I would share my cake with this book and that's saying something because I don't share.

    Usually if you whispered "Oi, Cait, this book will end up with a group of five teens on the run" I would quitley throw mayonnaise at you and scrabble away, because large casts are hard to handle interestingly. Here? NOT SO. I absolutely adored everyone! They all had personalities and backstories, complexities and fears and venerabilities. And we're not introduced to them all in a heap, so that was helpful.

    Tilla is the narrator and she is, quite frankly, badass. But at the same time she's a general awkward teen who'll be training with a knife, actually succeed in a badass move, and then pause to congratulate herself. I LOVE HER. Then we have

    ,

    who's Tilla's half-brother and also a bastard, so they share the same lowborn mum, but Tilla's dad is a lord and Jax's was a nobody. Ergo he is nobody. But ergo his and Tilla's bro/sis relationship is THE BOMB. The make fun of each other and are

    for each other.

    who everyone basically underestimates. And

    is from the warrior clans and total Closed Off And Emotionless™ but secretly a big squish. And lastly

    is the POC wizard princess who is all "LET'S GROW PRETTY PLANS AND NUTURE THE WORLD" but can also slay you epically.

    I like magic.

    Because wrong-place-wrong-time stuff goes down and the bastards must escape.

    I think I got stabbed in the feels. I say "think" bECAUSE I'M STILL IN SHOCK. WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME.

    Fair warning: It's modern! So like we have an epic fantasy setting, but their speech is

    modern and Tilla literally says "woah that was badass" and stuff like that. But it was

    modern, so it didn't feel jarring. This was just the style. AND I FRIKKIN' LOVED IT.

    But, dude, I read like 200+ books a year so odds are I'm just an over-read little granny smith apple and this might not be a problem for a lot of people.

    But it's

    so much...because Tilla is crushing on Zell and he is being part of the Stonehedge and not letting her see he has emotions. BUT THEY AHVE A THING. YOU CAN SEE IT. Meanwhile Miles is in the background being a weed with a crush on Tilla. So it's like an unrequited triangle? Least to say I didn't find it

    until the end where

    Aka = walking. They have to escape and take the princess back to her people, and like...it

    keep everything fast moving and interesting. But yet, also #overit. SO THIS IS ANOTHER THING THAT'S

    and honestly might not bother a lot of people!

    I mean, Tilla literally shows up for a feast, despite hating all the dumb nobles, just because she's not missing out on a good feed. IS SHE NOT SUPER RELATABLE?? I don't generally connect to protagonists, but Tilla = badass conglomeration of awesome. And Jax is my darling sass bucket child. And I loved all the explosions, the stabbing, and the slightly heartbreaking backstories. <3

    Especially if you want to read fantasy, but get scared off by the usual stiff style. This is bantery and easy to devour. And I said it was good so seriously why are you still here and not eating it yourself.

    ** QUOTES **

  • Saania Zee Jamal ϟ

    To whoever wrote this book's "synopsis":

    /səˈnäpsəs/

    → a

    summary or general survey of something.

    Do take note.

  • Chelsea Humphrey

    This book was an adventure and I can't remember the last time I've had this much fun coming along for the ride. The style of writing was interesting; i started out wondering if this was actually a Middle Grade book, and as the story progressed pulled a huge "NOPE- definitely YA". The only comparison I can think of is how the Harry Potter books progressed; they start out very light and youthful in feel but gradually grow darker and heavier? That was totally this book. The author did an excellent

    This book was an adventure and I can't remember the last time I've had this much fun coming along for the ride. The style of writing was interesting; i started out wondering if this was actually a Middle Grade book, and as the story progressed pulled a huge "NOPE- definitely YA". The only comparison I can think of is how the Harry Potter books progressed; they start out very light and youthful in feel but gradually grow darker and heavier? That was totally this book. The author did an excellent job of connecting me to the characters and keeping my attention with equal parts action and background/fantasy world development. My only complaint was I wish the book had been slightly longer! I felt with an extra 50-75 pages it would have given the same quality of character development as some of the other hugely hyped YA fantasy books popular today. Overall, this was a classic Disney story and was 100% entertaining with somewhat mythical creatures and loads of magic. Definitely put this on your radar.

    *Many thanks to the publisher for providing my copy via NetGalley.

  • emi

    It has come to my attention that I accidentally made the same joke as another user in this review. Especially when this user is one that I admire and who's reviews I look forward to. I know they probably don't trust me anymore, but please know that it was never my intent to copy them and it was purely coincidental. While I did like their review before hand that contained that joke, it was before they posted the entire thing and I didn't even see it until after I wrote my review. Nonethel

    It has come to my attention that I accidentally made the same joke as another user in this review. Especially when this user is one that I admire and who's reviews I look forward to. I know they probably don't trust me anymore, but please know that it was never my intent to copy them and it was purely coincidental. While I did like their review before hand that contained that joke, it was before they posted the entire thing and I didn't even see it until after I wrote my review. Nonetheless, I have deleted that joke from this review and I just want them to know that I am incredibly, incredibly sorry.

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  • kazzy boy ⚓

    for next halloween, i’m going to wear a trash bag and when people are like 'oh haha you're going as trash', i’ll be like... 'close... i’m going as

    ', and then i'll show them this book

    i just wanna say… from the bottom of my black heart… that i wish i could shoot this book to venus so it would die a fiery acidic death.

    listen. contrary to the stereotype of patience and forgiveness given to me by my sun sign, i have never gotten over anything or anyone in my life, i'm like a bitter old

    for next halloween, i’m going to wear a trash bag and when people are like 'oh haha you're going as trash', i’ll be like... 'close... i’m going as

    ', and then i'll show them this book

    i just wanna say… from the bottom of my black heart… that i wish i could shoot this book to venus so it would die a fiery acidic death.

    listen. contrary to the stereotype of patience and forgiveness given to me by my sun sign, i have never gotten over anything or anyone in my life, i'm like a bitter old man except i'm a 18 yr old girl.

    i'm trying to be a better person here but honestly i don’t want to... like i can literally feel the chill leaving my body as i'm injecting a steady stream of negativity into this review... i'm so

    i might as well just start smashing house furniture against the wall...i mean. if you think really hard about it, there's really nothing physically stopping me right now except social constructs and my own goddamn cowardice!!

    man i swear to god all this salt is so bad for my skin!! i'm going to start charging books for wasting my time $5 a minute....like can you imagine if the emotional and finantial labor that went into reading this book was put towards literally anything else?? (mainly, skincare)

    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    alright, lads. you may say 'but you seemed to enjoy this so much up until the second half' and i may just say 'well...mistakes were made but it's okay because that was yesterday and therefore not real'

    someone had the audacity to show her face again around here after everything she's done (that someone is my Slump). i could feel myself slipping into that hellscape of a void, i was still on the edge but the ground was quickly slipping out from under me and this book was kinda like safety ropes and i was desperate and just hanging onto whatever sliver of joy i could find

    : a bunch of bastards find out the horrible scheme their parents were plotting against their country and decide to overthrow their efforts, creating their own ragtag family in the face of adversity

    sounds very nice, right? but this book somehow managed to fuck up the entire concept, sliding right under the bar of expectations i sat really low for it ಥ_ಥ

    i'm not really that much of an underserving of love swamp goblin, i was being nice when i chose to overlook a lot of things that would otherwise make me prefer i go down a slide of knives and land in a pool of rubbing alcohol than have to read about them...example:

    ● l*ve at

    first sight

    : special snowflakes with special powers that appear conveniently out of thin air

    the whole plot is just a love triangle

    ● you know that kid in the playground who gives you their toys but then sees you playing with another kid so they stalk angrily toward you, wrench their toys out of your grasp and throw a huge tantrum??

    ● guys....

    what happened

    ● 'the love of my life was murdered and this is why i'm acting like a brooding misunderstood loner who’s an asshole to everyone but don't worry...i secretly have a heart of gold!! love me!!' trope

    who have fully embraced the role of the weird aloof cousin who never comes to family events and whomst you only know is still breathing because they occasionally like your facebook pictures

    but not the good kind...more like, it's been exactly 300 pages and everyone has achieved a solid nothing

    ● the kind of

    where the audience is uncomfortable and has learned nothing....like honestly?? what the fuck is up with all the books i've read lately turning me off hetero sex forever?? like i’m going to die alone and miserable but at least i’ll find peace knowing that i will never have sex in a public bath (

    ), or let anyone "feast on me" in a goddamn library (

    ) or thirst over someone who kidnapped my sister and held me captive in a dungeon (

    )

    yeah. i know. i should have called it a

    earlier since i was basically just a hate machine but it's like when you're too cheap to throw away the milk even though there are bits floating in it... plus i think it's because in my head i live under this illusion that because i'm not having fun, some other external forces will work out on their own as the universe balancing itself out. however, it doesn't work like that and i always remain surprised when it continues to suck so i just end up wallowing in my misery and bitterness

    besides, hey!! mama didn't raise no quitter!!

    uuuuuuhhh actually mama did.

    see, i actually

    this around the 95% mark and let

    spoil me... which turned out to be great..... i just needed to set myself on fire!!.....since i couldn't publicly unleash my wrath on someone!!

    [suffice to say,

    était.....how do you say it.....

    !! never been gladder to end my suffering once and for all!!]

    okay what else??

    bro, i don't give half a fragmented fuck about these characters...in fact, go ahead... destroy the cursed gemstone that binds them to this fictional plane of existence and allows them to manifest a physical body

    .

    do authors like…..realize that a nice face and a clichéd backstory isn't a substitute for a personality?? asking for a friend

    ● special snowflakes

    and uuhhh...

    i want to dropkick him into the sun. what was the point of him??? he's literally that guy who sits down and inserts his unasked for opinion when you're having a conversation together with someone else

    .

    the only thing i remember about him is that he makes sexual innuendos and it was considered endearing and charming, like that was

    ... and i was just sitting there like, please stand still while i punch y'all in the face

    ● a couple of disney villains

    ● other characters i don't remember

    anyways, that's all the salt for now.

    if you want my unprofessional opinion, i'd say:

    :: another

    with my mermaid gfs:

    ,

    ,

    ,

    ,

    &

    (we literally all one starred it lmao)


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